Secondary

Further to Clem Sunter’s Wish List

Dearly beloved complaints people

Please receive into thy electronic memories my contribution to Clem Sunter’s powers of observation. I did it some years ago, but it still holds water in our beloved Sefrica.

You know you are in South Africa when:
– a commission is set up to study the findings of a commission set up to study the findings of a commission set-up.
– obtaining a real, absolutely not false, truly genuine, not fake at all, valid for all classes of vehicles drivers license is as easy as withdrawing R500 from an ATM.
– the ease of obtaining a university degree is relative to the amount of cash contained in an unmarked envelope.
– you are issued with a Cuban dictionary and phrase book when admitted to a South African government hospital.
– a tax is levied on a piece of farmland with such taxed amounts relative to the quantity of water from heaven falling on such land (in other countries known as rain).
– you notice a bumper sticker stating “Have you been hugged by a mugger today ?”.
– wealth tax (which had been practised since times immemorial, although mostly involuntarily, always surreptitiously, – almost always unnoticed and mostly unofficially) are made official government policy.
– attending school and receiving an education are no longer considered to be mutually inclusive.
– when on roadmaps the “tarred” part of the words “tarred national roads between towns/cities” refer to the history of the road and not its present condition.
– it is safer outside your vehicle within the Kruger National Park than inside your vehicle in central Johannesburg.
– special mud splash pools are provided in the suburbs to parking lot pampered 4×4’s for that rugged country look.
– Tenderpreneuring (previously known as political mugging) overtakes soccer as the most popular national sport.
– the time elapsed in a public parking bay does not necessarily correspond with the return of the owner of the vehicle, but whether the vehicle could be ‘hotwired’ or not.

Compliantly yours
Kurt Balzun

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