● Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
● I am in shape. Round is a shape.
● Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
● Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
● Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
● Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
● An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.
● In just two days tomorrow will be yesterday.
● I am a nutritional overachiever.
● I am having an out of money experience.
● A day without sunshine is like night.
● If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
● It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
● The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
● I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
● Age doesn’t always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
● Life not only begins at forty, it also begins to show.
● You don’t stop laughing when you grow old. You grow old because you stopped laughing.