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Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:

 

1.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2.

My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

3.

I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

4

Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

5

Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

6

If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?

7

It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.

8

Some days, you’re the top dog; some days you’re the hydrant.

9

I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.

10

The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.

11

When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

12

It’s not hard to meet expenses . . . they’re everywhere.

13

These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m “here after”.

14

Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

15

Have I placed this joke before?

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