My thanks to Janet Harding of Plett who shares my passion for things Irish.
This bloke at a horse race whispers to Paddy next to him, “Do you want the winner of the next race?”
Paddy replies “no tanks, I’ve only got a small garden.”
Paddy and the bomb
Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires sticking out of it. He phones the police and says: “Bejesas, I’ve just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb.”
The operator asks, “is it tickin?
Paddy says “No I tink it’s beef”
The following is (supposedly) an exchange of correspondence between a customer and Iarnród Éireann (Irish Rail).
I have been riding your trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.
Dear Mr. Finnegan,
We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.
Irish Railway Company
I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible and the Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass.
That, Gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last two years!